Today is the birthday of Brexit

Well let me tell you, it’s been a heavy and painful pregnancy, and it’s gonna be an ugly baby! The force needed to get this baby out is like from a horror movie, no-one wants it and it’s just gonna ruin people’s lives.

And I am fully qualified to talk about Brexit. First of all, as a cartoon character, I have no actual brains. This puts me in line with those who designed Brexit in the first place. If a brain is in a head, it would surely prevent such bizarre notions. Leaving a good thing to head for an uncertain bad thing? Why would I do that?

So we’ll all just have to wait and see, but as far as I can see doom and gloom are understatements for what this messy business of Britain throwing tantrums and getting away with them will mean to my little life.

Full steam ahead to a wobbly future! : (

29 March 2017

This is how I feel

(about the launch of the British apocalypse):

VruVru’s world is at the moment somewhat limited, I’m afraid, as Brexit feels like it’s crushing my world. If you are a long term EU resident in Scotland, you kind of want to stay here. I’m here because I like it, it’s true. I mean, look at Edinburgh on a sunny day. On a misty day. Even on a foggy day. The castle has disappeared! Magic! I just love this city. But I might not be allowed to stay. So now you say, they’re not gonna kick you out, are they? Well, they might not do this directly, but will I have access to the NHS? So I might still have to leave : (

Another thing that really bothers me right now, and I mean right this minute, is this: Our good old (I don’t mean this, please replace with rude words) prime minister is trying to delay the referendum until I can’t vote in it. Meaning she will do her best to get people like me out, whether they leave because of the uncertainty already, or even just once Brexit has happened because they have to. And this will take a lot of votes away from Scottish independence. A clever plan!

I detest this government. They have played so many tricks on their people that the whole situation is just a mess. What on earth is the EU supposed to have done to Britain that was so bad? The EU is a trade union which used to be very disorganised, but actually got better over the decades. And now that the ship is running a bit tighter the British people decide to get on a little floating dinghy and go it alone! Why, I cry? And the subsidies? Sorry, that was just too obvious to even mention.

Tell stories about what you know I was told by an old famous actor. Sorry, a little fib, it was my mum.  Anyways, the story as I know it goes like this:

Little German lives in Scotland. She is very happy. She makes wine and drinks art. Oh wait, other way around. She has a cute little daughter who loves Scotland, too. One day they get to vote in a referendum. We’re going independent, yay! This means we are guaranteed to stay in the EU (as Scotland happens to be a very modern and pro-EU country, she says proudly), which suits this little German very well.

The vote is lost. She is hungover. I mean, really really unwell. It’s like a physical reaction to non-independence (it was probably a dodgy tummy, but the lack-of-independence allergy sounds more dramatic).

A couple of years later she is getting another vote. This one is a lot scarier. She is thinking, wait, I’m not a political person, but dammit, this will really affect me. So she goes out to the park and campaigns for the vote to remain. She manages to convince a stray dog who has nothing else to do that day. Better one than none, said the famous actor. Okay, I just made that one up.

Here comes the climax now: The vote goes wrong. The little German and the whole of Scotland cry at the news. She is sitting there weeping when her daughter comes in before heading to school. She says, but mum, politics are just boring like wet socks drying in the wind, surely they won’t affect us? And the mum has to say:

Sorry, kiddo, but this will affect every person in the country. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me politically, and it was completely unneccessary. If a certain former prime minister (please insert expletives) hadn’t come up with this anti-EU crap and calling a referendum for his own political gains and party politics this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. Britain wasn’t exactly doing great, particularly economically, but everyone was working on it. Now it’s going down to hell in a handcart (actually I think it’s motorised as it’s going so fast) and we can see where this will leave us.

We are sad today. It is a tragic day. I wished I would never see it. I hoped someone would turn this whole thing round and be more sensible with the future of a whole country. Too late now.

Here ends my lament.

I would apologise about the political content. But not today. Someone’s going and fucking up my country and I won’t be quiet about it. Mrs May can take take Britain down and straight into the apocalypse. But not without VruVru’s comments.

 

29 March 2017 – Launch Date of VruVru’s Website – Launch Date of the End of Britain as we know It