The fragile state

Today is the day Brexit negotiations are officially meant to begin. We have a situation where probably not a single person in the country thinks that the silly person at the top (translate Prime Minister) is doing anything in the interest of the country. Oh, wait, there is one person: it’s the Prime Minister herself. She believes that she can still fix it, even if it’s really broken. She reminds me of a patient with Alzheimer’s. Every day she forgets the disastrous thing that happened yesterday. Every single minute she ignores the fact that bad decisions were made, that a big rethink is necessary and no hasty decisions should be made.

The Prime Minister should resign. The DUP should get out of any affairs which are not Northern Irish but affect the whole country. Their attitude is backwards and certainly not helpful. We have the worst political situation I can think of and no-one is managing to do anything about it.

My father phoned me from Germany and asked me about Brexit the other day. He said, don’t they know they can start a war? Don’t they know that they are risking European peace which has been fought for over so many decades? Wars always start somewhere in peace times when people get away with things they shouldn’t. You can trace them back to leaders who suddenly take liberties and to politicians who take risks in their foreign affairs, alienating people around them.

My father is 89. He was a little pawn in that big war that seems so long ago. He has also seen many other peaceful countries fall apart and destroyed by wars. He urged me that Britain should rethink the steps it is taking to leave an entirely peaceful organisation which is trying to guarantee a peaceful Europe. I couldn’t have agreed more with him.

I just want to cry. Mrs May, please resign before you and your questionable friends ruin more of our beautiful, cultural and diverse country.

19 June 2017

Mrs May’s election day speech in full

[Edited by VruVru to bring a little bit of truth into it]

“I have just been to see a monarch who gets to have a say in politics in this country even if no-one knows why; and I will now form a Government, at least I really want to. I have lost the election and could just go home, but my strange sense of empowerment in the face of adversity that I have caused myself and my pure stubbornness will keep me going.

What kind of government? A government that can provide uncertainty and lead Britain towards the apocalypse at this disastrous time for our country.

This Government will guide the country badly through the crucial Brexit talks that begin in just 10 days – can you believe it!?! Who set that up!?! Me, really?!? – and deliver on the will of roughly half the British people by taking the United Kingdom out of that dreaded European Union. I have worked hard on keeping it a secret that the EU is actually a good thing and half the country is still falling for my nonsense, hehe.

My government will work to keep our nation unsafe and fragile by delivering the change that I set out following the appalling attacks in Manchester and London. I am at the moment trying to dodge investigations into how my police force cuts affected the reasons that lead to the attacks not being prevented although members of the public had made the police and thus the government aware of dangerous persons.

Cracking down on the ideology of Islamist extremism and all those who support it will give me plenty of excuses to change laws on sensible human rights which exist to protect citizens and their privacy.

The government I lead will put fairness thoroughly behind us so that we will fulfil the threat of Brexit and over the next five years – alright, I should be so lucky, I might be out in 5 minutes – build a country in which everyone and every single community is left behind, a country in which prosperity and opportunity are definitely not shared across this United Kingdom.

What the country needs more than ever is certainty, but what it will get from me is uncertainty at the highest level! Having secured the greatest number of seats in the General Election but – bohoo – not the majority I was after, it is clear that the Conservative and Unionist Party has no legitimacy and ability to provide any certainty to the people.

As we do, we will continue to alienate everyone around us and will fall out with the Democratic Unionist Party in particular.

Our two parties have enjoyed a gay relationship over many years. We are in love, stay out of our romance! This gives me the confidence to believe that I have talked people into stuff they don’t really want yet again. We probably won’t be able to work together for long, and never in the interests of the whole United Kingdom.

This certainly won’t allow us to come together as a country! But we will still channel our energies towards an unsuccessful Brexit deal that works for no-one in this country. We probably won’t even get a deal at all, so securing a new partnership with the EU which guarantees our long-term prosperity is now completely out of the question.

That’s what people never voted for last June, and that’s how we will try to destroy this country.

Now let’s get to work on making everyone’s life a misery.”

[Thank you Mrs May for saying it and saying it loud!]

9 June 2017

Election Stuff

The worst thing about this upcoming election is the following innocent emotion: hope.

If only I could think that Mrs May gets shown the door. And that Labour gets a chance to travel less of an ignorant journey. And that even Brexit could still be stopped. Later one day kids could laugh about it. They could shake their heads when the teacher in school brings up that once upon a time Great Britain (which I call Big Britain now as it lacks so much in greatness) had this idea to leave the EU. And that it nearly happened. But that all lived happily ever after when this disasterous idea was averted.

And berry pickers from Bulgaria and Romania were allowed to stay and pick berries and the care homes didn’t get a huge crisis because no Brit was prepared to wipe bums on a daily basis for hardly any money.

Yes, it will be a happy story. But I think it’s a fairytale.

Just so we don’t get too depressed here I have a challenge for you now. I personally think that Mr Trump (middle name worldwide trouble) gets far too much attention by everyone. We all know he is a rich bully who behaves like a 3-year old. So my challenge is that you now make sure you don’t think of Trump. Do this with immediate effect. Yes, come on, no Trump in your mind. You can do it. Just think of anything but Trump!

There you go: utter bliss…

2 June 2017

About voting fatigue

So, there’s much talk about people being fed up with that basic democratic thing: voting. In fact, all major papers and broadcasting stations claim as a fact that people are fed up with elections and referenda.

So, are people really fed up with voting? It is all very simple. The people who liked the last voting result are seriously fed up with voting. I mean, who wouldn’t be if they just got what they wanted? They want to stick with their (awful) achievements and certainly don’t want to risk a different outcome with another vote. But the people who felt so awfully deceived and wronged in the last vote feel very different about this. They want to at least have the chance to change things.

Whether it’s Brexit or Scottish independence a lot of us want to say: yes, let’s vote again. Of course the outcome might go wrong again as people are still being lied to and facts are being manipulated. For example, look what this clever little German found out: Theresa May actually includes foreign students in her immigration figures. Foreign students! I want to punch her. Not really, just with words, until she gives up her lies and schemes and this government job. She could be a housewife, couldn’t she? Baking pies and cakes? I wouldn’t mind her doing that at all, as long as she stayed away from politics from now on. You say, but can we be sure that the next person would be better suited to the job? Yes, we can : )

Anyways, the only fatigue I can detect amongst my fellow people is being so very tired of the lies and manipulations practised by current political bodies and the media industry.

Yawn. Why not use the truth a little more, Mrs May?

23 May 2017

The British Government is Bonkers

Well, today I look at the papers and they say: Eilmeldung! It’s German papers online if you must know. So, breaking news: Prime minister is calling snap election. So, this is terrific news for me, as it seems to me that the prime minister is trying to get rid of herself. But I might have misunderstood something.

In any case, I would like the British Government to reassemble in June, after an actual vote by the people, and become a sensible government body which represents this country in a way I can faintly agree with.

And good luck to that. So far it always went wrong, but with all the tricky questions and no answers to solve them this might be the chance. Which tricky questions are those?

Number Eins: A prime minister attempting a hard Brexit no-one wants and which can’t be legally solved.

Number Zwei: An island that’s become a possible cause for a very unwanted war.
(Hot tip: it starts with a G. No, not Great Britain. Go and sit in the corner as you haven’t paid attention! Or have you?)

Number Drei: A country within a country that wants to break away from it’s mothership during an unstable time in which the mothership is hurtling through space uncontrolled.

Yes, many many reasons that the prime minister did what she did today and said: ‘Can someone get me out of here?’

I’ll get her out of there. Let me run the country. I couldn’t possibly do it more harm than she has already done. Promise ; )

18 April 2017

Westminster is lying again

So, the bias of the ‘official’ news stations. They have lied, bullied and officially stated dishonest news last time we had a referendum on independence. It was partly their fault that it didn’t happen as they were completely in the pocket of the Westminster/no-to-progress/no-voter camp. And yet they managed to make people believe their scaremonger news about our situation.

They are doing it again. BBC Radio Scotland just got a numpty to state that the prime minister is ‘speaking for the people of Scotland’ with her clever delaying-the-referendum plan. She is doing us all a favour, apparently, as ‘the people of Scotland don’t want another referendum’. Everyone keeps saying this on the news, as if it was a fact. Meanwhile the people of Scotland voted overwhelmingly for a party which exists mainly to fight for independence. They think we’re all idiots.

I’m upset after listening to the radio. And I got the following email from the government telling me why they are delaying our request for a referendum on independence:

The UK Government is clear that now is not the time for a second independence referendum.

The UK needs to work together, putting all our energies into ensuring we get the right deal for the UK and for Scotland in our negotiations with the EU.

In 2014, the people of Scotland decided in a legal, fair and decisive referendum to remain part of the UK. The Edinburgh Agreement of 2012 committed both the UK and Scottish Governments to respecting the outcome of the Scottish referendum. In 2016 the people of the UK voted to leave the EU. The result of both votes must be respected.

As the Prime Minister has made clear, now is not the time for another damaging and divisive referendum. All our focus should be on our negotiations with the European Union, making sure we get the best deal for the whole of the UK as we leave. And, it would be unfair to the people of Scotland to ask them to make a crucial decision without the necessary information about our future relationship with Europe. Scotland’s two governments should be working together, not pulling apart, at this crucial time.

Leaving the European Union presents us with a unique opportunity. It is this generation’s chance to shape a brighter future for our country. A chance to step back and ask ourselves what kind of country we want to be. We want this United Kingdom to emerge from this period of change stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking than ever.

Scotland Office

So this is what they say:

‘Leaving the European Union presents us with a unique opportunity.’ – Yes, the opportunity to go backwards and become a racist third world country.

‘Now is not the time for a second independence referendum’ – Now is the time we might pull this off and get independence as we still remember how much we have been lied to, and Britain is leaving the EU which we are trying to stay part of. And a successful independence referendum is not what Mrs May wants, so ‘not the time’ stands for ‘not what the British government wants to risk’.

‘The UK needs to work together, putting all our energies into ensuring we get the right deal for the UK and for Scotland in our negotiations with the EU.’ – So far they have been putting all their energy into getting the wrong kind of deal, being hard-lined and ignoring half the country who didn’t want this to happen.

‘As the Prime Minister has made clear, now is not the time for another damaging and divisive referendum.’ – Damaging? We are being damaged by being dragged out of a sensible and progressive union, completely against our will.

The prime minister and her cohorts are like bulldozers, destroying everything in their path.

It is a sad era for us. I sincerely hope that our first minister and the people of Scotland will make the right choice and leave this terrible government behind.  Westminster has proven, again and again, to employ destructive politicians who play political games and gamble with the future of this country.

Let’s get out of there!

31 March 2017

So I survived being brexited by the British government

But surviving doesn’t mean not suffering. I am suffering from the delusions of the people in power who think they can just smash a good country to pieces. And I am allowed to moan and complain about it because I am Hellseher. Yes, a clairvoyant who can see the future. I see dimmed lights. I see a country sliding down the poverty scale. And I see very clearly a lot of regret in people who just now think this is a good idea. But a country is not something to play with like a toy, ‘I can break it and then fix it again’. No, playground bullies should have been kept out in the first place. Who let them in? Us, the voters? I don’t think so. No single vote was put in a ballot for this (insert the worst damn swear word you know) woman. You know the one I mean, she who sits at the top and irritates me.

So we didn’t vote for the people who are making the biggest and most insane decisions about our country!
I’m gonna cry again.

30 March 2017

Today is the birthday of Brexit

Well let me tell you, it’s been a heavy and painful pregnancy, and it’s gonna be an ugly baby! The force needed to get this baby out is like from a horror movie, no-one wants it and it’s just gonna ruin people’s lives.

And I am fully qualified to talk about Brexit. First of all, as a cartoon character, I have no actual brains. This puts me in line with those who designed Brexit in the first place. If a brain is in a head, it would surely prevent such bizarre notions. Leaving a good thing to head for an uncertain bad thing? Why would I do that?

So we’ll all just have to wait and see, but as far as I can see doom and gloom are understatements for what this messy business of Britain throwing tantrums and getting away with them will mean to my little life.

Full steam ahead to a wobbly future! : (

29 March 2017

This is how I feel

(about the launch of the British apocalypse):

VruVru’s world is at the moment somewhat limited, I’m afraid, as Brexit feels like it’s crushing my world. If you are a long term EU resident in Scotland, you kind of want to stay here. I’m here because I like it, it’s true. I mean, look at Edinburgh on a sunny day. On a misty day. Even on a foggy day. The castle has disappeared! Magic! I just love this city. But I might not be allowed to stay. So now you say, they’re not gonna kick you out, are they? Well, they might not do this directly, but will I have access to the NHS? So I might still have to leave : (

Another thing that really bothers me right now, and I mean right this minute, is this: Our good old (I don’t mean this, please replace with rude words) prime minister is trying to delay the referendum until I can’t vote in it. Meaning she will do her best to get people like me out, whether they leave because of the uncertainty already, or even just once Brexit has happened because they have to. And this will take a lot of votes away from Scottish independence. A clever plan!

I detest this government. They have played so many tricks on their people that the whole situation is just a mess. What on earth is the EU supposed to have done to Britain that was so bad? The EU is a trade union which used to be very disorganised, but actually got better over the decades. And now that the ship is running a bit tighter the British people decide to get on a little floating dinghy and go it alone! Why, I cry? And the subsidies? Sorry, that was just too obvious to even mention.

Tell stories about what you know I was told by an old famous actor. Sorry, a little fib, it was my mum.  Anyways, the story as I know it goes like this:

Little German lives in Scotland. She is very happy. She makes wine and drinks art. Oh wait, other way around. She has a cute little daughter who loves Scotland, too. One day they get to vote in a referendum. We’re going independent, yay! This means we are guaranteed to stay in the EU (as Scotland happens to be a very modern and pro-EU country, she says proudly), which suits this little German very well.

The vote is lost. She is hungover. I mean, really really unwell. It’s like a physical reaction to non-independence (it was probably a dodgy tummy, but the lack-of-independence allergy sounds more dramatic).

A couple of years later she is getting another vote. This one is a lot scarier. She is thinking, wait, I’m not a political person, but dammit, this will really affect me. So she goes out to the park and campaigns for the vote to remain. She manages to convince a stray dog who has nothing else to do that day. Better one than none, said the famous actor. Okay, I just made that one up.

Here comes the climax now: The vote goes wrong. The little German and the whole of Scotland cry at the news. She is sitting there weeping when her daughter comes in before heading to school. She says, but mum, politics are just boring like wet socks drying in the wind, surely they won’t affect us? And the mum has to say:

Sorry, kiddo, but this will affect every person in the country. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me politically, and it was completely unneccessary. If a certain former prime minister (please insert expletives) hadn’t come up with this anti-EU crap and calling a referendum for his own political gains and party politics this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. Britain wasn’t exactly doing great, particularly economically, but everyone was working on it. Now it’s going down to hell in a handcart (actually I think it’s motorised as it’s going so fast) and we can see where this will leave us.

We are sad today. It is a tragic day. I wished I would never see it. I hoped someone would turn this whole thing round and be more sensible with the future of a whole country. Too late now.

Here ends my lament.

I would apologise about the political content. But not today. Someone’s going and fucking up my country and I won’t be quiet about it. Mrs May can take take Britain down and straight into the apocalypse. But not without VruVru’s comments.


29 March 2017 – Launch Date of VruVru’s Website – Launch Date of the End of Britain as we know It